Mornings are really hard...

every morning when i get up, in the back of my head im thinking i need to go check on michael...but then i remember that i cant. sometimes i swear i hear him talking or crying in his room, but its just a memory. all i can ever think to myself is how bad i want him back or how i wish there would have been something anything that someone could have done, but i know that doesn't help anything. I go in his room and just cry looking at all his toys and his bed, it hurts. He was so young and so perfect, and i just will never understand why such an innocent and perfect little boy was taken from us. I always think about all the plans and hopes we had for him, all the things we would talk about him doing in the future, or "big boy" toys we were going to buy for him as he got older. But the part that kills me about that is the fact he didn't even get to experience his first birthday. It was gonna be the Disney Cars theme, i had bought the little plates and picked out the cake and everything. I hate how unfair life is... all i wanted was to watch our son grow up and have our beautiful family. how much is that to ask for? isn't that what every person wants? Just a family. Its not like i wanted a million dollars or to be famous, no...i just wanted to grow old with my hubby and let us watch our son grow up into a man. I don't know why we have been denied the only thing we wanted but that is just wrong. I was told all my life that a parent's worst nightmare is having to see their child die...that no parent should ever have to live through that, and now we are living right in the middle of that nightmare. for those of you praying for us, please pray that we continue to hold each other close as we grieve the horrible loss of our son and that one day we will be at peace with all of this. i love u all. thank you for keeping us in your thoughts <3