Baby Boy

My little sister(in law) wrote a very heartfelt blog today about michael and it just put me in tears. Everything she said..I feel the same. It hurts everyday. We all miss him so very much. Here is what she wrote:
The pain of that night replays in my head daily. the phone call that i got, the car ride to the hospital, and all the days of mourning since march 2010. I feel like I'm never going to get through this. It's like a battle against myself. Some days I laugh about the good times I had with him, but most days I cry. Michael was the happiest baby I've ever met, He was smart, and funny. I can remember his smell, his giggle, and his smile like I just saw him 10 minutes ago. He's the only boy who's loved me unconditionally that i've loved back just as much. His life was taken too soon. I'm sitting here writing this because i just saw the same pain that i have, but in my dad. He made a collage of Michaels pictures outside. He covered them in little sayings like "grandpa loves you baby" and "you're my love". I know that this pain will never leave and i feel like it's getting worse everyday. When i go to sleep at night, i pray that God will bring him back to me for just long enough for me to say goodbye and that i love him and give him JUST one last hug and kiss. just one last time. I'm losing faith in everything at this point. I'm missing a huge part of my heart. He's still in my dreams. Playing with his tonka truck and kissing his curious george stuffed animal. But thats not enough. i just want him back to hold and play with and watch him grow. Easter was hard. i didn't get to dress him up in his easter outfit, buy him a stuffed bunny or help him hunt eggs in the back yard. We had a hollow brunch that dispersed pretty quickly, with the thought of him bouncing around in all our heads but very little spoken about him. He missed his first birthday by 11 days. no presents, no party, nothing. i try to forget because it hurts me so badly inside. i try to move on, to live normally, but now instead of seeing a little boy and his daddy and talking about michael and my brother, i tear up and walk the other direction. thinking of how my big brother doesn't have his son any more. it hurts me to see my brother hurt more than anyone else. i grew up with him, so i know how he is, and he's different. not the way he acts, or dresses, or lives life. but there's just something that's missing about him. it kills me. Michael is in my heart forever and on my mind constantly. i love him more than anything, and i wish he would have known that. i didn't tell him enough.
Rest In Paradise Baby.
Aunty Loves You.
..
Michael Anthony Auch
March 13, 2009 - March 2, 2010



WE LOVE YOU BUBBAS!